OH MY GOODNESS. So I was taking a dump and usually I wait for the bathroom to empty out before I leave so I don't have to face the awkwardness of seeing other people in the bathroom. but then as I'm about to leave I hear someone walking around the bathroom, just loitering. Then he starts jingling his keys and pacing around my stall. By now I've realized it's the janitor and he's not leaving until I get out of the stall. Of course by now I've also been just sitting there for at least 10 minutes waiting for this jerk to leave, but he's still there, standing RIGHT OUTSIDE the stall, jingling his keys, and even LOOKING IN THE STALL??!!! WHAT THE CRAP!?!! I'll just crap all over the floor like Sean would. That'll show him.
THE VERDICT: THAT'S ASSAULT, BROTHER
