Beef Story#117: Old dudes who act like they own the place

Author: reub

So I was in line at the grocery store with a ton of stuff, so I had to place the baskets on the floor and nudge them periodically towards the cashier as the line slowly moved forward. During one such time, I looked down at my groceries and then when I looked back up, this old guy was sort of sliding into the small gap in front of me. He turned and looked at me to see if I saw him so blatantly cut in line, then turned away and hoped I wouldn't notice that an old, smelly guy just magically appeared in front of me. He's lucky I would have felt guilty for punching an old man in the face...even if he deserved it.


THE VERDICT: BE A MAN. DO THE RIGHT THING.

Beef Story #116: It hurts when I pee and I don't know why

Author: somebody

NOOOOooOOOOooooo!!!!!!!!






THE VERDICT: Man, that is MESSED UP

Beef Story #115

Author: rajan

I have a beef against manufactured beef stories.



THE VERDICT: TOO BAD NONE OF THESE STORIES ARE MANUFACTURED

Beef Story #114: Getting Choked By Jack Bauer

Authors: Renee Walker and Bill Buchanan

It doesn't matter how long you've known Jack or how close you think you are to him--he WILL choke you if he thinks its vital to national security.






THE VERDICT: YOU ARE WEAK. YOU WILL NOT DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE IN THE FACE OF EVIL

Beef Story #113: Wake Up America! - Look at your cellphone!

Author: J Krause

You are being screwed and you probably don't even know it. You were taught that you live in the land of the free, right? Do you believe it? If you do, you're wrong. At least when it comes to cellphones. Ever since cellphones were invented, Americans have had some of the worst cellphones in the world. Everytime a "new" cellphone comes out, you think "Wow! Look at what you can do on a phone these days." In fact, what you don't know is that the "new phone" that just came out is over a year old. It's just that you were not allowed to see it. Why not? Because the cellphone companies were not finished selling you their old models. They want to sell you old technology as long as they can before they let you see what's next. Does the rest of the world do this? No. They are not dumb enough to fall for it. The rest of the world gets the new phones as soon as they come out. But here in the US, we rarely look at how people live in other countries. You'd be surprised to see that they live better than you do. Did you know that in Japan and Korea they've had color, high resolution, cable tv on their phones for years and years? You'll be lucky to be "allowed" to buy one of those phones in 2012. I bet it's more like 2015 when you'll be granted that priveladge. Did you know in Japan they had large color screens in Japan and Korea while we were still in high school? (Late 1990's)? We had ugly black and white screens in the US. How is it possible that in the USA we are getting the shaft? because we let the cellphone companies control what is allowed to be sold in our country. Before one of the nice phones from Asia is allowed to be sold in the USA, the cell phone companies DEMAND that the manufacturer take away funcitons, abilities and software that is free in other countries. It's normal for a phone in asia to have Wifi, Bluetooth, internet software, mp3, maybe some video playing, connecting to your computer to let your computer run off your phones internet, etc. The cellphone comanies damaand that most of it is disabled so they can "sell it to you" as an extra feature or as a extra montly charge. Speaking of extra charges, in most countries, in comming calls and text messages are free. You only pay for what you do. How can you control who calls u and who texts you? You can't. Other countries understand this. In America, we understand we can make more money by making both parties pay.

Need proof? HTC is a wondreful up and comming cellphone company. Look at their website. Look and see whatt phones are for sale in the USA, then look at the Taiwan site or the UK site. In the USA we have the touch pro. In Taiwan we have the Touch Pro2. In the USA we have the Touch Diamond. In Taiwan or the UK we have the Touch Diamond2. You won't see those phones in the USA until they are disabled.

Stop letting the cellphone companies control your life! Don't buy their phones. Don't buy from them if you can. I don't even want to get in to the fact that the US is only of the only countries that LOCKS a phone before they sell it. Would u buy a house if they lock it and don't give u the key? No! Then don't buy a locked phone. In other countries any phone works with any company.

Write your senator and ask them to stop cellphone companies from limiting your freedom and ruining products before they're even sold.



THE VERDICT: I SENSE MUCH BEEF IN YOU

Beef Story #112

Author: FBI Agent Larry Moss

I've got major beef with Jack Bauer. We had a conversation today that went like this:

Me: "Look at yourself. You have lost everyone and everything you ever had by doing what you think is necessary. I won't let you do it to her, Bauer. Renee will not end up like you!"
(...long pause....)
Jack: "Are you gonna give me your keys or not?"

And then he stared at me like this for a few seconds.



I've gotta say, it was the most intense thing anyone's ever said to me and also the most uncomfortable 5 seconds of my life.


THE VERDICT: GIVE ME YOUR CAR KEYS--NOW

Beef Story #111

Author: someone from the internetz

Today I talk to everybody and nobody at the same time by posting on Facebook
Before Facebook, I used IM to stay in touch with people
Before instant messengers, I emailed friends regularly
Before email, I called people on the phone
Before I had a phone, I talked to people in person

So I have beef with the internet for making communication both harder and easier at the
same time

Beef Story #110

Author: me

The elevators in my building suck. Here's why:

1. The elevators are SLOW. Not Forrest Gump slow... we're talking Simple Jack slow. I can leisurely walk up the stairs and still beat the elevator to my floor with time to spare. I usually spend this extra time by bringing out some sort of time-keeping device and positioning myself in front of the elevator doors. Once they open, the first thing the passengers see is me staring at my watch, tapping my foot and shaking my head slowly.

2. The elevators shake like crazy and make loud creaking noises like you're really fat and about to fall through the floor.

3. These elevators don't stop on every floor. I wonder how much money they saved by this little act of absolute cheapness. A couple hundred bucks?

4. If you're on one of the middle floors, there's no way to indicate which direction you're going. The elevator will open on your floor even if it's going up and you wanted to go down. You can either go inside and endure the guaranteed prolonged awkwardness with annoyed strangers or just continue waiting longer, risking the chance of missing the elevator if you forget to press the button again...not that it's ever happened to me before....

5. When more than one floor is pressed. The elevator follows the order of the buttons pressed. So if we're starting from the ground floor and someone pushes the button for the 24th floor then I push floor 9, it will go to the 24th floor first, THEN floor 9. Basically it's a mad rush to see who can push their button first and then awkward silence, subdued gloating and icy stares.

6. Scenario: You're on the ground floor and there's an elevator on the 5th floor and one on the 28th floor that's already moving. You call for the elevator and the one from the 5th refuses to come down and you have to wait for the farther elevator to come all the way down while the elevator on the 5th floor does absolutely NOTHING. STUPID STUPID STUPID. Can someone shoot whoever programmed the logic for this stupid elevator?? Here let me google that for them: http://tinyurl.com/cxrwxq




THE VERDICT: Take the stairs