Beef Story #110

Author: me

The elevators in my building suck. Here's why:

1. The elevators are SLOW. Not Forrest Gump slow... we're talking Simple Jack slow. I can leisurely walk up the stairs and still beat the elevator to my floor with time to spare. I usually spend this extra time by bringing out some sort of time-keeping device and positioning myself in front of the elevator doors. Once they open, the first thing the passengers see is me staring at my watch, tapping my foot and shaking my head slowly.

2. The elevators shake like crazy and make loud creaking noises like you're really fat and about to fall through the floor.

3. These elevators don't stop on every floor. I wonder how much money they saved by this little act of absolute cheapness. A couple hundred bucks?

4. If you're on one of the middle floors, there's no way to indicate which direction you're going. The elevator will open on your floor even if it's going up and you wanted to go down. You can either go inside and endure the guaranteed prolonged awkwardness with annoyed strangers or just continue waiting longer, risking the chance of missing the elevator if you forget to press the button again...not that it's ever happened to me before....

5. When more than one floor is pressed. The elevator follows the order of the buttons pressed. So if we're starting from the ground floor and someone pushes the button for the 24th floor then I push floor 9, it will go to the 24th floor first, THEN floor 9. Basically it's a mad rush to see who can push their button first and then awkward silence, subdued gloating and icy stares.

6. Scenario: You're on the ground floor and there's an elevator on the 5th floor and one on the 28th floor that's already moving. You call for the elevator and the one from the 5th refuses to come down and you have to wait for the farther elevator to come all the way down while the elevator on the 5th floor does absolutely NOTHING. STUPID STUPID STUPID. Can someone shoot whoever programmed the logic for this stupid elevator?? Here let me google that for them: http://tinyurl.com/cxrwxq




THE VERDICT: Take the stairs