Beef Story #129: Smoked Beef Part 2

Author: roobs

So I think if you want to smoke, that's fine.  That's your right to do whatever you want with your body, like getting tattoos, drinking alcohol, and listening to Justin Bieber.  But I do have a problem with people who smoke in such a way that irritates and annoys the rest of us.  For example, some people still choose to smoke while walking around in large crowds, which sucks for everyone behind them because they end up taking in all of the carcinogens that you just blew into the air.  Not cool.  If you're gonna smoke while you walk, stay away from crowds and don't just blow the smoke up into the air where it will land in the face of the person behind you.  Be a responsible smoker, and don't endanger anyone else's lungs but your own.  There's a reason most places restrict smoking to the "smoking" areas now--IT'S BECAUSE NORMAL PEOPLE DON'T LIKE THE STENCH OF SMOKE LIKE YOU DO.  Is that so hard to understand?   HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I WALKED IN FRONT OF YOU AND FARTED?

THE VERDICT: I WOULD LIKE IT VERY MUCH IF YOU WALKED IN FRONT OF ME AND FARTED

Beef Story #128: Beef at the Opera

Author: timp



so i had bought this groupon for 2 tickets for opera under the stars
and i asked my friend who also enjoys classical music and such if he would like to go and he agreed
then i asked this girl who has a bf if they would like to go as a couple
she agreed but didnt buy the tickets right away
and i told my friend 'what if u buy another one and u can find a girl to go and i will do the same and make it something of a triple date'
now he is 26 and very restless for a wife, gf, woman whatever
so he without hesitation bought one and began his hunt
he asked this girl who recently started going to the korean service at our church, she is 31 very tall and pretty
he asked her over facebook... not as a date, just if she would like to go
she did agree and i also asked this girl from our church just as friends if she would like to go
and she agreed reluctantly because its opera
and the other couple didnt buy the groupon so it was just us 4
so i asked him just so we were clear... if it was or wasnt a date
so he agrees its not a date
and i asked if she was clear on that and he said yeah probably, not explicitly but likely
which i guess was sufficient for me at the time
so saturday rolls around and i call him to let him know we are meeting for dinner
and he says ok, can we push the time back or something because i told her i would pick her up at 630
and then im like................. -______-
and im like whatever the thing starts at 730 and 630 is already pushing dinner
call her and see what u can do
and so we decide to meet at the restaurant at 630 and they are late get there about 720
cause she was still getting ready
and then we have a nice dinner
great food
good conversations
the check comes
and he PAYS FOR HER
and im like -________________________-
well no im more like -___________________-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
ok so shes like no why
and she looks at my "date" because that is what it officially became
and she says why dont i pay... u are paying
and im thinking like shoot.... do i have to offer to pay for her now? we are just friends it would be awkward for me to pay for her but its awkward for me not to pay for her
so im trying to do this quick mental calculation to determine which route would result in the least awkwardness
so shes still confused as to why hes paying
as am i and my 'date'
so hes like... umm yeah for new friendship! welcome to houston and kpc!
and at this point i had kinda given up -__-
salvaging any kind of dignity for myself
so my question is... is there ANY doubt that this was a date
despite his confirmation in the beginning that it wasnt going to be
he picks her up, buys her dinner, takes her to the opera
oh and then his 'date' was like oh i will buy u guys drinks at the opera then
but they only took cash and she had none
so i bought drinks for everyone
pretty awkward and humiliating on my part

THE VERDICT: I ONCE STRANGLED A MAN WITH DENTAL FLOSS

Beef Story #127: Smoked Beef

Author: ruy


So I was awakened at 4am this morning when my flatmates started banging on my door and telling me we need to run for our lives because some jackasses started a fire on the first floor that sent smoke up through the stairwells to all of the floors semi-near the ground level.  Anyway, we rushed out, only wearing "pang-bahay" (for the house) clothes (wife-beater and shorts) while we stood around at a safe distance with other tenants watching firemen spraying down a trashcan.  So apparently some idiot was burning something either in the trashcan or too close to it and the trashcan probably had something flammable or explosive inside which caused the humongous fire.  Were they burning stuff for the hungry ghost festival?  Was it a prank or the work of some deranged arsonist?  Either way, whoever did this is an idiot and if I ever find out who did it, they will be sorry.

THE VERDICT: I FEEL NOTHING ANYMORE