Beef Story #83:
Author: Timp
first id like to welcome yoda to the beef council, i am eager to see what
kind of great wisdom he will show in the verdicts.
on to the beef: the story of the sexist snow crab leg steamer! except he wasnt
sexist so my mom told me like 5 times that if i get snow crab legs at todai and i want
to get them steamed i just take them up to the lobster man and he'll heat em up
for me so i did and i asked him if he could heat them up for me but he quickly
shook his head no and put up 2 fingers to ward me off and i was severely
disheartened and then my sister went up there and he gladly did and so figured
it was a sexist thing and then her bf went up and he gladly did his so it wasnt
a sexist thing and then i was so beefed i grabbed another plate of them and went
up there and he stood and looked at me with disdain and after he figured out i
wasnt gonna leave he hesitantly took the snow crab legs, beefy
Beef Story #82:
Author: ReuBulawinUy
As I was driving home late one night I got onto 6-10 W and as I entered the
freeway a boot comes flying out of nowhere and hits my driver-side window.
Then I see a car speed by with a bunch of hoodlums in the car. Yeah, I would've
chased them down and killed them if I weren't such a gentle person.
Beef Story #81:
Author: Emily Gould
I have beef with Reuben because I stole his idea of beef and am
trying to make millions of dollars off of it without giving him credit.
And he's asian. Man, i hate those asians.
Emily (send all your spam to revengemag@hotmail.com)
PS--I drink my own pee and eat my own poo
Beef Story #80:
Author: Reuben
We were going to watch Star Wars: Episode 2 -- Attack of the Clones at the earliest
possible showing so we ordered tickets from AMC online for Thursday 12:45am. When we went
to pick up the tickets they informed us that to them, Thursday 12:45am means Friday 12:45am.
I patiently explained to them that the day changes after midnight but they didn't seem to understand
so we had to watch episode II the next day. Shoot man, shoot.
Beef Story #79:
Author: Lenny
I am having a major beef with Colorado. How can a team we beat by thirty points win the crucial game and beat up a no. 1 team right before, too? Doesn't it know it's supposed to stay down? Having a cool mascot does not allow you to win the SEC championship and disallow UT from having a chance at the title. that's some beef.
even more beef... how can you let a person have super smash brothers melee but not a gamecube to play it on? It's like giving a soldier ammo and no gun.... A hungry guy a fork and no food... There's going to some big bovine problems if they don't give me my gamecube the same time i get the game on monday. i'm bringing a bat to stress my point.
Beef Story #78:
Author: Eric (mmmm...beef from Japan!)
Beef: Hey what's up everybody! First off, I'd like to tell about Japanese beef.
You see, there's this thing called "kyougyuubyou." Literally
translated it means "Mad Cow Disease." Yes, they have to inspect
every cow in the land for evidence of the dreaded bovine spongiform
encephalitis, or whatever it is. Anyway, eating beef here is a little risky,
but that doesn't stop me. Buuuut, itsn't it funny how everyone in Japan has
beef with beef? Hahahahahahahaha!!!
Beef Story #77:
Author: Eric
Beef: So I have beef with Japan. Er, Rice. Er, the JTW program. I dunno,
someone. You see, when I was at Rice, I talked to Eva Lin about her wonderful
JTW experience. She said "Oh, the classes really aren't up to Rice
standards, I had a lot of free time to use for church stuff and part-time work
and all kinds of things. It was great!"
With that thought in mind, I happily applied and sent myself off to Fukuoka.
However, as I discovered after I was here, JTW is crazy hard!
In my Japanese class the teachers give us these worksheets and do them at such
a speed that you don't have time to ask questions or write down new information
or anything before they call on you and embarrass you in a public fashion. Then
they give you quizzes which I and my friends manage to fail every time. Then
they give you homework everyday over stuff that you learn the NEXT day in
class. So that makes the homework a little tough to do, and of course the
grades on the homework are quite ugly also. Actually, they aren't anymore.
Because they stopped putting grades on our homework. BUT IT STILL COUNTS. So
now I actually don't know the extent to which I'm failing my Japanese class.
AAAAAAH. But it's OK right? Grades aren't important. All that matters is how
you play the game. <exit stage left, soft sobbing sounds are audible in
background, close curtain>...
Beef Story #76:
Author: LENNY (not Chow)
This is weird because I have beef with myself. Yeah, I have this condition where I can't make any new memories so I keep writing notes to myself and
tatooing stuff on my body. I'm looking for my wife's killer but my two main clues are the facts on my arm. FACT 1: CAAM sucks. FACT 2: STAT sucks. What does this mean? And I have a picture of someone named Jigglypuff who I'm supposed to kill.
Now where was I? Oh yeah, do you remember Sammy Jenkins?
Beef Story #75:
Author: Reuben
I ordered some maracas so I could play Samba De Amigo on my Dreamcast, but too bad they don't work. And when I emailed the company (or person) who originally sold them they told me to make a long distance call to their "technical support" hotline, which just turns out to be some guy's house. And they're never home when I call. Oh yeah, the instructions don't make any sense either.
Beef Story #74:
Author: leepee
mr. olajuwon joined the bbs, but he sounds like a fob. i think there is an
imposter hanging around the SSoLBBS...mmmmmm....fobbigurl?!?! =P
but yeah - even if hakeem is on a different team (and he looks crazy weird with
another NBA uniform on that does not say Houston Rockets), I still love him and
I do not like the fact that someone, or someFOB is impersonating him. hmph.
Beef Story #73:
Author: Reubs
So AMD tricked a bunch of us into getting up at 4 in the morning so we could
drive out to Willowbrook mall (which is out in the middle of nowhere) because
they were supposedly giving out 200 new AMD Athlon XP processors.
Unfortunately, they defied the flimsy laws of statistics and probability and
not one of us received a processor that day. And the AMD people were loud and
annoying.
Beef Story #72:
Author: Reubs
I was on the way to Super Target after a long, hard day of playing Super
Smash Bros., er I mean studying, when I noticed that my speedometer wasn't
working anymore. Man, this is beefy. And we also lost a full-court game of
basketball to a bunch of Econ profs. It's a sad day for skinny asian ballers
everywhere.
Beef Story #71:
Author: Cosmo
I've got beef with a certain Korean who we shall call SEAN KIM. He keeps
calling me "Bosno" when he knows full and well that my name is really
COSMO.
Beef Story #70:
Author: Steve So
I want to major in basket weaving. Rice doesn't offer it. Whats up with
that? I'm gonna go to UT to take bskt 525 - advanced basket weaving
architecture. Oh yeah... Stat sucks too.
Beef Story #69:
Author: Reuben
Oh yeah, how could I forget??? Before I left for Japan, I took my car to the
shop to get everything fixed so I thought everything would be all good when I
got back...EXCEPT, I made the mistake of allowing my brother to borrow the car
while I was gone. When I got back, the car was dirty (i haven't bothered
cleaning it though), my hubcaps were gone because the tires had to be replaced,
the bumper paint was peeling, there were some shady dents in random places on
my car, and the passenger-side door doesn't open without a fight now. WHAT THE
HECK HAPPENED???
Beef Story #68:
Author: Reuben
Oh yeah, I've got beef. This is only the beginning...
I've got beef 'cuz they took my gameboy advance for 4 weeks. And then i've got
beef with Nintendo for not putting a backlight into the gameboy advance. Then I
have beef with all the companies who make accessories for Gameboy Advance
because they all really suck. My battery pack only lasts one hour and you can't
tell when it's fully charged and all the gameboy lights i've ever tried still
don't make the gameboy screen bright enough. Now my eyes hurt. Of course, I
wouldn't need to buy extra lights if the gameboy advance came with a backlit
screen...oh wait, i already said that.
Beef Story #67:
Author: Reuben
At the Q, I was working out and one of the trainers came up to me and says:
"hey, bro, you gottaa burraka fruafjajzzz jejir keefajiss! just chill cuzz
ueme arburretoo, eh???" And since I was completely confused I just said,
"Ok" and tried to finish my set. Then he comes back five minutes
later and says: "hey guuobaaboo!! terok bubba vott smaz!" And he
points at my sandals and kicks me out of the workout area.
Beef Story #66:
Author: Reuben
I went to Walmart which is supposedly open 24 hours, right? But when I got
there the entrance was blocked off by rows and rows of shopping carts. After
going in through the exit, I proceeded to the electronics section, which was
also blocked off by piles and piles of boxes and displays. After jumping over
the pile of crap a big employee came and kicked me out. I'll get you
Walmart....if it's the last thing i do....
Beef Story #65:
Author: Crazy Bullard Fan
I've got beef with the Rockets 'cuz they traded the Bull, the legacy, the
glue that holds this stupid city together. Way to go Rudy T...
Beef Story #64:
Author: Starts with L, ends with PEE
Those movies were beefy. The ones that we watched on the plane [back from
Japan]. I defiantly threw down my headphones after 10 minutes of SpyKids and
defiantly went to sleep. I was being defiant in the face of a beefy movie.
Beef Story #63:
Author: Leepee
Krause was beefy because on the plane ride from Tokyo to LA, we were sitting
in a row of 4 seats (in the middle section of the plane), but I was in the seat
next to the right aisle, and he was next to me. The two left seats were empty.
Eric, from another Yamagata team, therefore decided to sit in the left aisle
seat, but Krause decided that he got to hog up all the space the two middle
seats provided. But that wasn't the real beefy part. The beefiest part was that
Krause was technically both on the "right" and "left"
sides, so whenever the stewardesses passed by with drinks, he could and would
grab a drink from both sides! I was so mad that I drank all of his coke before
he could say "What Roobs!" And then I drank his container of Cheju
Water quite defiantly, and I was trying to take it down with one gulp, but it
didn't quite work, but I still had my revenge. Krause never had montezuma's
revenge.
Beef Story #62:
Author: Starts with L, ends with BUSDRIVER
girls are beefy. no joke.
Beef Story #61:
Author: Lenny (in London)
chinese food is butt expensive in london. Due to hoof and mouth, i can't
have beef. but i do have beef because of this. I have beef cuz i can't have
beef. Beefy, no?
oh yeah, the busdriver can now drive a double decker bus. Now twice the
capacity to make stops on the bus route. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
oh yeah, asian girls with english accents are sooooooooooooo awesome.
Beef Story #60:
Author: Reub
Another beef story?? Yup. This time I was in a First Colony Mall bathroom
stall "gettin' my pee on" when this orange cone goes flying by me. As
I exited I noticed a rather amused young boy washing his hands and giggling. I
gave him my best hardcore stare as if to say, "Man, please...it's gonna
take a lot more than that to phase me--I'm from Westbury...punk." But all
he did was laugh at me.
Beef Story #59:
Author: Reub the Boob
It's been a while since I've written a beef story for myself, but this is
definitely beef-worthy...
So last summer I used to work at Smoothie King, and it was the best job in the
world. But when I called my boss so I could work at Smoothie King before I
leave for japan this summer, he tells me "We have too many workers."
And it turns out some guy who we shall call "Jerri" took over my spot
while I was gone and works like 80 hours a week or something since it seems
like he's always there. This is worse than the time TGWTU came and threw up on
everything...
Beef Story #58:
Author: Lenny
right... so it looks like i'm one out of three guys on this trip to england
out of 30 people. man, there's a lack of testosterone on this trip... pretty
beefy. too bad kong wasn't here.... he woulda had a field day working his
magic.
Beef Story #57:
Author: Lenny
I have a beef with Sammy's cuz they don't do anything over there anymore. I
remember way back in the day when I was pretty excited to go there for a meal,
and a good meal was there waiting to be eaten.... for a price. Now, they can
rip you off without even doing anything because just about everything is
pre-made over there. It's almost as if they want you to ask them to make
something just so they can tell you, "get it yourself" or "we
don't have it. this is all we serve." Some vast conspiracy... Right now, I
can't even enjoy a decent lunch at the RMC anymore because the bastards only
serve grilled stuff, which isn't very good in the first place, and baked
potatoes. I have never seen a lazier cafeteria. I swear, a cafeteria run by
qudraplegics is able to make better or more food available than this lot.
They'll probably charge you less, too. shoot...
Oh yeah, beef with the new cop that looks like a little boy. She goes well out
of her way to write tickets in the stadium. If that isn't beefy, then what is?
good luck on finals ya'll.
Beef Story #56:
Author: Gilbert Wang
So I went home over spring recess and instead of writing four papers and
doing some comp project (which is also beefy, but that's another point), I did
other people's taxes cause my dad is an accountant. Anyway I was just reminded
of how the federal government owed me four cents from when they jacked it from
my comp 100 labby job. So one day i turn in four time sheets at once, and got
$290 on my paycheck. Except they withheld four cents for the federal income
tax. I dunno, supposedly they take off four cents for every $290 you make or
something, but that was the last time i turned in four time sheets in at once.
Oh and I also got beef with my sixth grade homeroom teacher for letting me skip
english to go to the junior high school and take algebra. So now I'm
illetierate and i have a bunch of papers to write, but which i can't because i
never learned how to outline a paper.
Beef Story #55:
Author: Krause
Man! Talk about beef! I think Voice Stream is Powered By Beef! They have
been sending me wrong bills for 7 months. They range fro $200 to $700. And they
are ALWAYS their fault! So I call and call, and after 4-5 calls per bill, they
admit defeat! Cause they try to set up me the bomb! But wooooo mama! I move
EVERY zig, know what I'm saying. So they what do they do?! They said "You
have not paid your incorrect bill for a month, your phone is being shut off,
and I'm like "WHAT YOU SAY!" and they are like "blah blah I have
no brain. So FINALLY they "say" they turn it back on, but a week
later its still off, and when I call they say it was on for a week, but I had
to re-program my phone to find the voice stream network, TOO BAD THEY NEVER
MENTIONED THAT. So I get to pay for a week I didn't use, and the whole time,
they have my $200 initial deposit!!!!! And won't give it back cause they say my
payment was late, even after they admit they stupid?! Mr. T don't play with
foolZ!
Beef Story #54:
Author: Lenny
Alright, I have a beef with the Humana insurance company. Apparently, they
didn't receive my proof of enrollment before december 2000. Thus they
discontinued my coverage. So all this timeI apparently have been walking around
uninsured.
that would've been really beefy if I was on my way to get another proof of
enrollment and got hit by the inner loop bus. ironic and beefy
Beef Story #53:
Author: Lenny
Yeah, so we went on the ski trip and it was mad fun, right? Except for the
ethnic wars and for the part where the green trail abruptly and stupendously
turned into a double black with moguls. Pretty beefy...
All in all a good trip. The crew should go next time with wifebeaters only...
Beef Story #52:
Author: Lenny
Reubs and I have a beef with Rice faculty. It would appear that they think
it's good idea to pile everything on in three days (not even the entire
week!!!!)
THEY REALLY SET US UP THE BOMB THIS TIME.
WE WILL NOT SURVIVE MAKE OUR TIME
THE VERDICT: MOVE 'ME'
Beef Story #51:
Author: Captain
We all saw this one coming...it was bound to happen, but I had to do it
anyway
In A.D. 2101. War was beginning. Somebody set up us the bomb. We got signal.
Main screen turned on. It was Cats!! All our base are belong to them. We were
on the way to destruction. What he say!! We had no chance to survive made our
time. We took off every 'zig'. They knew what they doing. Moved 'zig'. For
great justice... pretty beefy.
THE VERDICT: CATS LOVE CRABBING.
Beef Story #50:
Author: Joyce Leepee
i think it's pretty beefy that i submitted a beef story in the beginning of
january about how i bought a can of libby's "sliced peaches" but upon
opening the can, found libby's "fruit cocktail" inside, and it still
hasn't been posted! something beefy is going on...
THE VERDICT: Oops...
Beef Story #49:
Author: Joyce Leepee
ARGH! this was beefy to me... - man, that was a stupid thing to say, since
I'm writing on none other than the Beef Files... oh well - anyways...
I went to Kroger on Thursday so I could go grocery shopping and buy whatever I
liked to eat. Among the things I like to eat are Waffle Crisp cereal, milk,
Sara Lee Honey Ham, Kraft american cheese, Lipton's noodles, green grapes,
bananas, Del Monte canned Corn, Rice Krispies Treats, carrots, Keebler's Club
Crackers, and lettuce. Oh yeah, and the subject of this beef story - Libby's
canned peaches. So like, I got a big can off the shelf cause I knew I would be
eating a lot and would not be content with one of those little measly can sizes
- so I bought it and took it home. I think it cost like $1.39 - which is the
cheapest can of canned peaches in heavy syrup that I saw on the shelf - that's
why I buy the Libby's brand. Anyways, yesterday, Saturday afternoon when I got
home, I was looking forward to opening that can and eating my peaches. So I got
home, got the can opener, and opened the can.
GRRRR!!!!!
Lo ANnnnD BEHOLD!!!... there were NO Canned Peach HAlves in HEAVY Syrup!! NO
THERE WERE NOT! I saw some grey-greenish colored grapes, one cherry thing,
DICED peaches, and DICED something or other - i think those are pears... so
like, I was mad! Pinmankin can testify. "What is this?!!?" I
exclaimed in a loud voice. "Nooo!!!" I struggled to keep myself under
control...
well, i was too lazy to go to kroger's and demand a refund or free can of
peaches, and like, yeah - i wanted to see if other people would buy those
peaches and suffer the same traumatic surprise as me and write about it on the
beeffiles... so i decided not to inform them that this certain shipment of
canned peach halves was really "fruit cocktail" Bah! I hate fruit
cocktail!
okay - that's all the beef for today.
THE VERDICT: MAY THE BEEF BE WITH YOU...
Beef Story #48:
Author: Joyce Leepee
i hate when bathrooms have no toilet paper in them. I just went to the
downstairs bathroom, sat down, peed and pooed and had my way, but as i turned
to the toilet paper holder attached to the wall, i was quite dismayed to see
only the the last 2 pieces of toilet paper still attached to the brown
cardboard roll. Like, it was a little raggedy and had random bits of strips
coming off of it since it was obviously leftover from someone's final attempt
at getting all the toilet paper in one final pull and tear. So I had to very
carefully think about how i wanted to utilize those last two pieces. Let's just
say I made the most of what I had, but I was not very happy, and I did not
leave that toilet feeling very clean at all. grrr... Whoever left the cardboard
roll with just 2 pieces left will be punished, Catherine Lee!!!!!
PS--I did not replace the toilet paper roll with a fresh new happy white
cylinder, so the next person who comes home is going to have beef with me!
hehe!! UH! I MEAN ALISA LEE!
THE VERDICT: OH MY GOODNESS...
Beef Story #47:
Author: anonyleepee
there's this choochoo who is in two of my classes who always starts walking
towards my desk whenever we have a quiz or test that day in that class. I'm not
sure why he does this - because i'm' always trying to study when I see him out
of the corner of my eye, eyeing my desk, and then he stands for a second, and
then begins to move...closer and closer....
And the other kinda disturbing thing is that I sit in the very last seat in my
row, which always happens to be on the very left side of the room, against a
chalkboard or an AC unit, so there's a bout a foot of space that he always
squeezes into, and crouches there with his nose an inch away from my desk.
and then he says "joyce."
and i say... (nod)
and then i'm trying to study, but he either says one of the following...
"i know i annoy you, but you're just so much fun to be around" or
"sometimes, when someone focuses too much on one thing, something else
gets jealous" or "there's nothing in your hair so stop touching it.
you look fine." To which I respond "(nod, tight-lipped smile)"
And then when i'm in the hallways, he'll be right behind me, and i won't know
it, but then i hear someone say "joyce joyce joyce" in kind of a
singsong, "you're being a naughty girl" kind of voice, and i'm like
PeeeeeeeGOooooooooooo!!!
And the weirdest thing is that he'll only try to talk to me and one of my
friends, and that's it. He says it's because we're the two most wonderful
people in our calculus class. PeeeeeeeGooooooooooo TOhhhhhhhh!!!
THE VERDICT: WHOA, CATHERINE HAS A SISTER??.....
Beef Story #46:
Author: another totally different random anonymous person
One day, I was sitting in Spanish class, playing tetris on gameboy, on my
way to setting a personal best of 187 lines, when I see a certain choochoo
getting up from his desk, making his way over to the 12 inch space that
separates my desk from the wall. He crouches and hovers over the ground, making
eye contact with my waist. Then he looks up, and then down. Then he says,
"You know, sometimes when someone focuses too much on one thing, another
thing gets jealous." And I kept on playing tetris, but I was like,
then Edward Krasnov who was sitting behind me - bless his heart - shouted out
(he has a very booming voice) "WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT, CHOOCHOO?"
Then Choochoo looked at me and replied, "well, i guess i'm saying that I
wish i could talk to you more, but you're always playing tetris." So I
play for like five more minutes, but I feel bad because he's still in that tiny
space next to my desk, so i press "start" and pause the game, and
look down at him. And then he says that he'll be coming to my church that
weekend, and he asks if there will be korean food. So i say, i'm not sure
because the moms decide what we'll be eating, but it might be korean food. And
we talk about food for a little bit. And then he says, "Well, I got 3
minutes of your time today, and I'm not totally happy, but i'm almost happy.
Maybe I'll get 5 from you tomorrow." And I nod and have a tight-lipped
smile - because inside, i'm thinking that i'm confused and he gives me an
uncomfortable feeling and why does he like talking to me when i don't really
even respond....
one friend suggested that he liked the "challenge." Pretty gross,
chung..
THE VERDICT: THAT'S A LOT OF BEEF
Beef Story #45:
Author: Joyce
i have beef with my right ear, because it hurts. when i try to pick it.
Cause like you know how sometimes your hair will poke inside your ear, and it
feels like you have some earwax coming out - so i would rather have it come out
on my finger than come out and land on someone next to me in class, but when i
discreetly and gingerly put my finger to my ear, it hurts! I guess my index
finger is too big.
THE VERDICT: MY DOCTOR ALWAYS TOLD ME NOT TO STICK MY FINGER IN THE HOLES IN
MY HEAD
Beef Story #44:
Author: Reuben
I've got beef with my contact lenses and possibly my eye doctor because I
keep dropping the contacts down the drain and the doctor keeps giving me the
wrong prescription.
THE VERDICT: WHEN YOU HARNESS THE POWER OF THE DARKSIDE, YOU DON'T NEED NO
STINKIN' CONTACT LENSES.
Beef Story #43:
Author: Eric (again)
So I've got some beef...with my phone. Yesterday I was in the library at
night and I saw all these aZn ThUgZ chillin at the tables and stuff...so I was
like, gotta impress 'em! I whipped out my cool asian fixed-up cell phone
(complete with dysfunctional light-up antenna) and proceeded to call my
voicemail...then...
EEEAAAAH EEEEAAAH. The call failed and made that horrible noise...
I was like...it's all good, I'll just act really mad like a tRu tHuG would...so
I was all muttering under my breath, acting all tough...then I redailed...
EEEAAAAH EEEEAAAH!! Arrrgh!
I ran away. Shameful.
THE VERDICT: MAN, PLEEEEAAAAAZZZEE.
Beef Story #42:
Author: Lenny (again)
I have a beef with the drivers on Main to and from Sugar Land.
Can anyone tell me why they always have to:
1)drive slow on both lanes at the same pace as the car next to them.
2)not use turn signals while driving really slow
3)biggest beef: automatically going to the open lane even though they're not
going any faster than the car in front of it. I mean, the open lane is for
those who have some place to go... (me) and I'd like to use it rather than have
it laugh at me while i'm stuck behind some fat black guy who speeds up just
enough to not let me in the open lane and decides to slow down as soon as he's
pssed me. that's sooooooooo retarded...
I think i'm going to get one of those snow plow blades and put it on the x5.
man... that'll give me more open space than a high school parking lot on a
weekend.
lenny
p.s.--oh yeah, i have a beef with Dr. Tour also... spiritually i have no beef
with him. In orgo, that's different. Stampede of beef on him for being
determined to fail 5% of the class.
THE VERDICT: WHAT'S THIS PAGE ABOUT AGAIN?
Beef Story #41:
Author: Evelyn Joy Patterson
I don't know whose name that is, but it popped up in the text box when I
typed the letter "E." Anyway, I just wanna say I've got some beef. So
these girls call me up and ask me to eat dinner with them at a certain
establishment we'll call "Apu's." I was like, well...I wanna lose
some weight to look more like Reubs, so I'll pass. Then my friend told me to go
to my car, so I was like, since I'm here, I'll go ahead and call the girls and
tell them I'll go. Guess what? They "mysteriously" stop picking up
their CELL PHONE...presumably because they're having too much fun at
"Apu's" to care about Eric's feelings. Oh well.
THE VERDICT: yO dAwG, tHaT bE BeEFy
Beef Story #40:
Author: Kong
ok.. so there this person that i talk to on IM sometimes.. well, i
remember talking to this person.. we'll call him/her apu.. so, i'm talking to
apu and of course the conversation doesn't have much substance in the first
place.. when it does get kinda interesting, i ask apu a question.. i get no
response for the longest time, and then, "shut".. apu leaves without answering
the questions or giving warning before getting offline.. what's up with that?
THE VERDICT: WELCOME TO THE CLUB
Beef Story #39:
Author: David Kong
ok, i took this class last year.. it was an econ class, so reubs will
understand the suckiness of that subject.. anyway, i thought i was doing well..
it was actually pretty easy, so i never showed up for class, especially at the
end of the semester.. for some reason tho, my grade for that class was much
lower than i expected.. i'm pretty sure there was a mistake on the final, but i
can't check it cuz when i went to the profs room, a tab under his name says "ON
LEAVE" so, i talk to the econ secretaries and they tell me to email the prof..
i email him but never get a response back.. so now i have to wait till next
semester to check on my grade.. he should've responded to my email.. what's he
doing? econ at home? i think not.. also, his pinky is permanantly locked in a
double jointed position.. so weird.
THE VERDICT: ECON--BEEF IS THY NAME
Beef Story #38:
Author: LeePee
At school, there are four different hot lunch tray lines. Usually I go into the "country cafe," but on pep rally days, I opt for a salad since the lines are so busy and long, and go into the Mexican Pizza line. The beefy part of it is that a normal lunch costs $1.45 but there is the lady in the Mexican Pizza line who charges $.10 extra for everything. Like I bought chocolate milk there once, and I had a quarter ready to give to her, but she shook her head and let my quarter drop to the floor as i attempted to transact with her, and said very tartly, "thirty-five CentS." And i was like grrr...and so i went to another line and got milk for $.25. Anyways, I think lunch lady cashiers shouldn't change prices like that without informing people. She's a meanie.
Oh yeah. And if you buy a salad with milk, it costs $1.45 or $1.55 depending on which cashier. But if you buy it without milk it costs $2.00. I thought that was very backwards but oh well.
THE VERDICT: I AM THE LORD OF THE RINGS BUNCH OF CROCK
Beef Story #37:
Author: hmph
Hmph. I'll try to make this beef as short as possible.
So my friend likes or "used to like" (but we all know still likes) two guys who are exactly the same except their names are different. Let's call them "Boob" and "Baboo." She wants to ask Boob to this formal that is coming up. She has been agonizing for many weeks about this and how to ask him, and if he really does like her, and has been talking to Baboo on IM about Boob and asking Baboo's opinion and advice on stuff.
Then today, she tells me that Baboo was telling her last night that she should be careful and that "bad things" could happen so she should watch out, and somehow, they figured that Baboo should come to the formal to watch out for her and be her quote unquote "bodyguard." And supposedly, she would talk to me about inviting him as my date because I'm friends with Baboo already, and "would probably ask him" to this formal anyway. (The girls have to ask the guys.)
And so in response to my friend, I was like, "haha, whatever, you just want me to ask him so that you can have two guys that you like at this dance at the same time." So she says, "noooooo, i was just suggesting somebody since you don't know who you're going to ask, and you're already friends with him, and he just wants to be there to kinda watch out for me too."
Do you see the beef?
So the main reason Baboo would be going is to watch out for my friend, not because I asked him to go with me, and the way my friend kinda assumed that I would just ask him because she wanted me to - so that she could have both Boob and Baboo there at the same time. Grr. And to put me in a position where I know I'm going to disappoint her is pretty beefy, because Baboo was originally a contender for yours truly's date, but after she told me of this little clever plan, I would just feel stupid asking Baboo, because it's only for her that I would be asking him, and he would only be going for her "safety" or something silly like that. And unless I want to make this "the night of her life," which I'm not so inclined to do, I'm going to stay beefed and ask somebody else to be my date.
I am still beefed, but not too much because I know I shouldn't really be that beefed with her. Ho hum.
THE VERDICT: WHAT CAN IT MEAN?????
Beef Story #36:
Author: The busdriver
Yeah, well I was making a routine bus stop at the Hsia house to pick up James Hsia and take him to Puzzlefighter school.
He gets on the bus, and everything's well and good. I'm driving along minding my own business, and -all of a sudden- the crazy cajun comes out of nowhere like a rock falling from the sky and kicks me in the head!!!
I mean, I'm just here doing my job, and this insolent little punk catches me off and jacks the bus!!! That's a bunch of crock! I bet little James Hsia thinks he's ready to take on Master of the Universe just cuz he jacked the bus from The Busdriver.
It's my fault for not being "aware of the situation". Frankly, I'm disappointed in myself for getting taken by surprise like that. Pretty embarassing...
I need to get back into busdriving shape... cuz this is happening way to much. i mean, this happened twice last week two. First by some loud colorblind gook and then some crazy pinoy with pecs of steel. I think the pinoy's name was Boobs or something like that.
Well anyways, this is a notice. The busdriver will be back from Busdriver Inservice (occurring this next week). When he does, you kids better have the bus all nice and detailed cuz he's gonna take the bus back... ALL PICKUPS WILL GO WITHOUT INCIDENT FROM NOW ON.
THE BUSDRIVER (of puzzle fighter)
THE VERDICT: WHAT??? YOU CALL YOURSELF A BUSDRIVER? LOOK AT YOUR PASSENGERS, NOT THE ROAD.
Beef Story #35:
Author: Lenny
My beefy story actually happened a long time ago.
The reason why it took so long to put up is because I'm too busy waging war with her.
Anyways, I just finished making my special roast beef sub in the make-your-own-sub line at Subway and proceeded to the cashier. The lady rings it up and say ,"$5.07" I give her a twenty and say, "hold on. I got some change"
She's like, "no. it's alright" and rejects my change!!!!!!! So instead of getting a buck back and getting rid of some of the overflow of change i got, I'm stuck with an extra 97 cents jingling in my pocket! that's hyper beef. To add insult to injury, she doesn't give me any quarters but dimes and nickels! THAT'S LIKE INSULTING MY MOTHER LEVEL OF BEEF.
I tried to tell her that all i needed was a dollar, and she gives me this "I'm too dang lazy to put back all the change i meticulously counted up" and say, "no."
Thus, subway war 1 started. I will win the war.
How? By paying for my next combo meal in nickels, dimes, and pennies... just the way squirrel lady likes it. Bet she'll like that.
THE VERDICT: BEEF DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE THE MAGNITUDE OF BEEF EMANATING FROM LOUISIANA.
Beef Story #34:
Author: Eric Lindsay
I'd like to take a little time here to expound upon the virtues of our fine Rice University Center for the study of Languages. Those ingenious COMP majors, working with the LRC people, have created for our enjoyment a FINE, FINE Kanji testing system called "extemplate." Although the programming is undoubtably sound, and the interface looks pretty good, I have some major beef with the fact that nothing in this program works. I might point out that in my short 30 minutes of use, I managed to see the scores and ID numbers for:
1)myself (8/9--89%)
2)Emi Nomura (7/9--78%) ID number ??????
3)Carol Chen (not yet submitted) ID number 615???
4)Amy Furgeson (not yet submitted) ID number 713723
Wow! I must say, this program rocks the house! It's off da hook!
THE VERDICT:
Beef Story #33:
Author: Eric Lindsay
First of all, I'd like to point out the power we, the beef council, wield over the unsuspecting automotive populous. Here is a quote from Edmunds.com:
"Oh well, that's a shame because we really had a BEEF with the way the gearbox worked "
Wow! No joke! They've got beef with Audi!
Anyway, here's my beefy story...or rather, my beef question. What's up with people's calling me weird names this year? Has my name gotten more difficult to decipher as I have aged or something? Oh well, later guys,
Duncan.
THE VERDICT: WEAR A NAME TAG, DUNCAN.
Beef Story #32:
Author: Lenny
I got this beef with Sean... again.
He knows who my screw date is and won't tell me.
Man... that's like telling a guy stricken with some massively infectious disease that you have the cure, but you won't let him have it cuz he has to figure it out himself. That's just plain wrong.
I want to know NOW. : (
THE VERDICT: IT'S A SAD DAY IN BEEF TOWN.
Beef Story #31:
Author: Reuben
So I'm living in Houston just minding my own business, when this mosquito lands on my arm and starts sucking my blood. Not only that, but he leaves his saliva in my skin and it forms a bump on my arm that really itches. Then he tells all of his friends to come and bite me. It seems like the mosquitoes love harassing me. Why do they like the taste of filipino flesh? Stupid bugs.
THE VERDICT: DIE INSECTS!!!!!! DIE!!!!! MUHAHAHAAHAAAA!!!!
Beef Story #30:
Author: Lenny Chow
I got another beef for you. It's such big beef it can only come from texas... in the form of a very large cow. Anyways, it started out as a regular sized beef, but it got slipped some bovine growth hormone over the next couple of days and turned into titano-beef... here goes:
yeah, so this week was crap week, right? Problem sets due left and right, csa study break to prepare for (minor beef: where were you at the study break sean?), and of course the toppers, the orgo and bio test. I mean, I'm happy about the way the week went (got baptized!!! [no beef with Jesus], did well on orgo, we'll see on bio but it's droppable). On monday, I'm walking downstairs with Mr. Nopachai to get some dinner before the big orgo review on monday. We go downstairs and there's a line into the kitchen (not even counting the long line INSIDE the kitchen) that's longer than the Saturday lines at a certain buffet restaurant... So we bail and run to Baker to get some quickie food to save time. Lo and behold! no line! However, as cesar and nopie went through quite smoothly, the lady slides my card and goes, "whoa.... hold up on in thea." I'm thinking, "yo... i'm in a hurry yo." she's says, "you ain't got no meal plan." Man.. I was planning on saying, "I call b/s!!!
!" and punch her in the arm cuz i've been getting food all the time since the beginning of the year (wait,i never swiped my card before. mmmmmmm...) she was nice though and let me go without charging me. At sid, the same thing happened, she's like, "get that thing fixed, yo!" I'm like, "fo sho. one love." and she let me go eat without charging me. Then the morning of see you at the sallyport comes, and I'm wanting some breakfast. I go down, and it's the hispanic lady that charged me 7 bucks for like the same thing the guy in front of me got for 2.50 (on five separate occasions). She's like, "oh yeah, it works and proceeds to deduct 8.50 off of my roll over from last year!!!" So i'm pretty beefed about this already, and it happens again at dinner. I can't argue cuz i have orgo that night... but that turned into oversized beef.
So when did this turn into titano-beef? It turned titano sized today. I go to the cashier's office saying, "wsup yo, that meal card ain't workin, knowhatimsayin?" cashier's office retorts, "man... you're a little crispy, but you ain't got no meal plan. Plus, you ain't on campus yo." I tell them that the last time i remember, i be livin up in sid. they don't know what i'm talking about.
So basically, i technically don't have a place to live and i don't have money to eat. Now that's titano beef. F&H better be getting up some major compensation...
THE VERDICT: IT'S TIME TO TRANSFER TO MARTEL
Beef Story #29:
Author: Lenny Chow
It's a kind of short beef story because i don't have that much time. I promise to write a bigger and better beef story later (cuz i havea really good one). Anyways, what kind of people put the orgo test and the bio test in the same week?!? I mean, that's just retarded!!! I also got beefs with the people at the job fair. How come only the c/s people get to have cool junk (laser pointers!)and T-shirts? I pretended I was a c/s major to get the goods, but I felt cheap and dirty for doing that.
Oh yeah, what's up with Eric and Sean going "swimming" everyday we have stat 280? HUH?!? Ok, I understand if Eric wants to go swimming but SEAN? First time sean went "swimming" he got really upset and kept calling her "hao cho". If she's hao cho... then why does he keep coming back to "swim". that's my take.
THE VERDICT: HAO CHOU...HAO CHOU.....
Beef Story #28:
Author: Hardcore
So I come back to school for the fall semester of 2000.
It turns out that the school decided to move the commuter
lot to the back and put a random visitor lot before it.
Now i got beef with all visitors.. and faculty too..
THE VERDICT: PARKING AT RICE SURE SUCKS...
Beef Story #27:
Author: Catherine "I love crabbing" Lee
One time I was walking from the stadium lot to the gym to work out. As I was getting ready to cross the inner loop in front of Shepherd School, a shuttle bus pulled to a stop before me and the doors opened. The driver insisted that I get in, even though I was only going to be walking another 10 feet to the gym. I kindly turned down his offer, and walked in front of the bus to get to the other side. I contined my slow and steady walking pace, when to my surprise, the shuttle bus began to follow me, at the same leisurely speed I was walking, backing up traffic behind him. The driver leaned his head out the window and asked me to work out with him at 6 pm. I told him I had to go to church at 6. I went inside the gym to work out. When I came out, there he was. He had decided to "meet" me in front of the gym at 6:05 to go to church with me. I didn't even invite him!!!
THE VERDICT: MMMMMMMM....
Beef Story #25 & 26:
Author: Reuben
Here's a two-in-one story (although they are in no way related).
First of all, this one isn't a beef story. This is a vomit story. We're drinking smoothies in the Q when Sean hears "Bleeeehhcchhh!!!"
I look over and see this guy with blue shorts hunched over looking at the ground.
Looking at his own vomit. So I say what any other humane person would say: "Are you alright?" He sez: "Yeah, I'm ..... BLLLEEEEEECCCCCHHHHHH!!!!!"
The vomitter will now from this day forth be forever known as TGWTU (the guy who throws up).
By now the smoothie TGWTU ordered is finished and Jerome (who works with me at smoothie king) sez: "Here's your smoothie....ewwww."
Then one of the other smoothie king employees (who incidentally, looks like Olen Rambow)
has to clean up the vomit because Jerome wanted to go try out for Pearl Harbor (even though he left after the vomit was all cleaned up, but that's another story). The vomit was on the floor, on the table, on the chairs, oops, maybe I shouldn't mention that. Then I go to make another smoothie and I turn around and see TGWTU with his hands lifted up saying "can I wash my hands?"
Me: "yes....over there."
then his girlfriend came and he acted like he never threw up and he left. Then he came back because he forgot his watch or something and we all carefully watched him to make sure he didn't spew again. TGWTU seems like a pretty cool guy. Too bad about the circumstances the surrounded our first impression of him.
This next story happened at Rice. We were doing fly's with the machine with weights on both sides. I finished one set and then it was Sean's turn but then this weird guy steps in and takes one side of the machine and does tricep exercises. And then we're like: "I guess we're done with flys now."
"This is definitely going in the beef files."
THE VERDICT: HOWDY!!!! WELL PAINT ME RED AND SLAP ME SILLY IF THAT AIN'T THE BEEFIEST
BEEF IN THE WHOLE DURN STATE O' TEXAS. Y'ALL COME BACK NOW, YA HEAR???? YEEEEEHAWWW!!!!!
I LOOOVVEEE BEIN' A TEXAN!!!!
Beef Story #24:
Author: Obi Wan Kenobi
So there we were, trying to rescue some teenage princess who evidently fell in love with a seven year-old boy with jedi powers when this dumb looking jive-talking alien named jar-jar
comes along and totally ruins the whole movie.
THE VERDICT: JAR JAR MUST DIE IN EPISODE 2.
Beef Story #23:
Author: Joyce Lee
Sean S. Kim - he killed Mr. BIG BEAR at the Lee Family Backyard next to the swimming pool. Mr. BIG BEAR was our family BEAR although he is really nonexistent. But since Sean claims he killed a bear in our backyard, I will claim that we had a bear named Mr. BIG BEAR. GRRRR! Mr. BIG BEAR was our family pet. How would you feel if Sean went over and killed your family pet?!
This is a picture of him after he defeated Mr. BIG BEAR. He looks very savage. Maybe he needs to be locked up.
(picture was removed because it was too graphic.. one or more nipple hairs could be clearly seen)
Pretty gross!
THE VERDICT: I'M NOT SEAN, I'M SHAWN, SEAN'S EVIL TWIN!!!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!
Beef Story #22:
Author: Becky Seo
i am a "regular" at the
ssolbbs, and this weirdo named meooooow cat says weird things!! well... it's not just that.. but i have beef with him.
sorry~ i'm just a random person.
THE VERDICT: THE TRUTH IS....I AM MEOOOOOW CAT. IT WAS ME ALL ALONG...MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!! HEAR ME ROAR....meowww...just kidding...PRETTY BEEFY
Beef Story #21:
Author: Jonathan Krause
One time I was waiting tables at SAKE LOUNGE. When this old couple walks in. I take their order, but when the guy wanted chuka salad. I had to tell him we were out of it for the day. At this point he threw the menu at me. THAT was some major beef there. He ordered some soup, which I brought out like 5 minutes later, and when I had it he said "Is it just me, or is the service a little slow tonight?" THAT SOUP CAME OUT FAASST I tell you. Then he complained it was too salty, and he didn't want to pay for it. He was asking for the manager every 5 minutes. I wanted to pour the soup on him. When he left, the pen I gave him so sign the bill with , APARENTLY didn't work. O well... He later wrote in a letter of complaint, he tried to be funny in it, o well. MAJOR BEEF!
THE VERDICT: That's not just beef,
it's a whole cow! You should've 'chunged' that guy on the head with the head
of a bull before he escaped.
Beef Story #20:
Author: Casey
Waaaaay back, my friends and i wanted to toilet paper someone's house one day. I had some 2 week expired eggs also... WE didn't know which house exactly the "victim" lived in, but as we were crossing the street to some houses, some cops drove by us and we jumped into our cars. The cops stopped us and asked us what we were doing. We tried to think up a story real quick thinking he didn't see all the t.p. in our hands, but before anyone could say something, the cop goes, "you have a little peice of evidence hanging out." I had closed the door on some toilet paper and had given us away. Oooops.
THE VERDICT: PHEW!!! I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO'S HAD A RUN-IN WITH THE LAW
Beef Story #19:
Author: Casey
Last friday I drove my car to Baytown and it was late when we got there, so i crashed there and left Saturday morning.
I returned home Saturday and opened up the compartment (drink cubby hole)in my car to get my camera... only to discover my camera was gone! Some punk broke into my car and took my camera during the night. It was a cheap, ghetto camera but it had a new roll of film with some good pictures on it. :( The house owner lives in a nice neighboorhood but you can't trust the neighbors. I have beef with all of them until i find out who took it. I have to go camera shopping now...bah!
THE VERDICT: PHEW!!! GOOD THING I LIVE IN LOUISIANA...WHERE NO CRIME EVER OCCURS
Beef Story #18:
Author: Joyce Lee
I do not know why the BEEF HAS BEEN ATTACKING ME LATELY! GrrrR!
Today, me and Sam went to AMC30 to watch "X-Men" which was AWESOME by the way. Yes, we caught the last show on opening night, waited two hours in line, finally got the show started at 12:45 AM. Everything was going just fine... just right... that is, until the movie was over, and Joyce got up to leave. Then, she felt like she was stuck to something, and with a little effort, managed to get to her feet, but not before realizing something was stuck to her butt. HER BUTT. Plain gross. She felt her butt, and realized that she sat in some gum. Yes, old, dried gum is a little better than fresh juicy new gum, but it still makes situations sticky and gross. So Joyce was not happy because she was wearing nice clothes since she had just gotten back from a concert before she and Sam left to go watch the movie. She was very unhappy. She has beef with that seat. It is in theatre #16, 3 rows from the middle thing that separates the lower seats from the upper seats, and about 15 seats down. !
You will see some greenish-blueish gum in the seat. Don't sit there. Unless you want to have a beef attack to write about. =( GRRR!
THE VERDICT: WAIT, SO WHO'S TELLING THIS STORY, SAM OR JOYCE?
Beef Story #17:
Author: Joyce Lee
Yeah, so once upon a time, I go on a mission trip to mexico - this was in the summer of '98. We're in Oaxaca, Mexico, and it's almost the last day of the trip. There are about 12-15 people riding in the bed of a pick-up truck coming back from the beach, and the people included in this truck are me, Jimmy Wu (one of the most awesome people ever to have lived), Sean Lindsay (oops, I mean Kim), and Angel I don't know his last name.
Well, I forgot really what was going on before this, but suddenly, Sean gets up and smacks Angel "whap!" on the butt (Angel was one of the people standing up). Angel turns around, and is really surprised, and then Sean points and says "Gozo (Joyce) Gozo!" and I'm like "QUE?! QUE EN EL MUNDO?!" (not exact words) and Angel kinda laughs it off, and is like, uhh okay, and I'm like NOOO!! SEan!!! and then Angel is thinking whatever, so he turns back around. THen Jimmy Wu, who was laughing at seeing all this, gives Angel another realll spanker! Angel whips around again, and this time, he really thinks something's up. Jimmy imitates Sean, pointing at me and saying - "Gozo Gozo!" I'm pretty much fuming and I think Angel's butt is stinging, so he moves to the edge of the truck where he can sit down. Meanwhile, Sean replaces Angel and is standing up, so I take my chances and hit Sean in the butt! Then I'm like "Jimmy did it!" and Jimmy starts laughing and says "Haha, no, Joyce, haha!" a!
nd SEan laughs at me and says "Yeah, good one Joyce!" and Angel is looking at me funny. That is where the original beef with Azn-Sen-Five-A-Tion came from.
WARNING: The above story was intended for mature audiences only. If you accidentally read the story above and you are not old enough, I apologize for the pyschological trauma that you're sure to be feeling right now. My bad.
THE VERDICT: I DENY ALL ACCUSATIONS THAT I TOUCHED ANOTHER MALE'S BUTTOCKS
Beef Story #16:
Author: Joyce Lee
Hey, so once upon a time - more like today, I had to go give Sam a ride home from work. So, Sam was driving back home, and we were on Gessner, going under the I-10 underpass, when I looked to the left, and there was a red '93 Honda Accord with the passenger side window open. Then, SUDDENLY, this guy spit on our car. I was like "WHAtaTAT the..?!?!!" and Sam was like, "what happened?" so I told him that the guy next door spit out some YELLOW CHUNKS and it almost landed on our car!!
When we got home, we checked for yellow chunks, but luckily, the guy missed. But it was some heavy beef knowing that he was trying to spit on OUR CAR! I thought that was very rude. >(
THE VERDICT: I ALSO DENY ALL ACCUSATIONS THAT I TOUCHED ANOTHER MALE'S BUTTOCKS
Beef Story #15:
Author: Reuben
Okay, for your amusement I've dug deep into my own personal beef file and
found some from way back when
It was my junior year at WCS. Nelson (A junior from Clements High School at the time), my brother Joel, and I didn't have anything to do so naturally we decided to go stalk someone from Clements. This was around graduation time so the Clements seniors
were having their pro-grad or whatever where the seniors spend the night at school (we never had one of those...stupid westbury) Anyway...I don't think they would have actually let us
into the building so instead we drove around the parking lot looking for Nelson's friend's
car. We did this for about 10 minutes until the "police officer" pulled us over. Then we got nervous. "Joel!!! Put away that water gun!!!" I screamed. To make a long story short, we're lucky to be alive, since the cop thought we were reaching for our "gats" and were about to "bust a cap." He ended up searching the car and searching us. We never went back to Clements ever again. Except for Nelson, since he went to school there.
THE VERDICT: ...
Beef Story #14:
Author: Reuben
Here's another one from back in the day...
An escapade during my sohpomore year in high school...My friend Ryan, Joel, and I started getting into the game of golf but were
too poor to afford clubs, golf balls, club fees, etc., so to practice our driving
we would go to the driving range in the middle of the night and pick up "stray" golf balls
that were lying around. On a good night, we would have at least four buckets full of golf
balls that we would use the next day. We rationalized our actions by saying that we were
merely "borrowing" the balls since we would hit them back anyway (okay, I know it's wrong now, I learned my lesson, just keep reading...). One night, there were four of us: Ryan, Jerome, Joel, and Me. It was supposed to be another routine pickup, but something went horribly wrong.
As we were returning to load the buckets of golfballs into my parents' van, a police car drove by and we all ducked behind a hill. The cop slowed down and investigated my car (since it was illegally parked) and we decided to run away. We devised a plan. Jerome and Joel would wait with the golf balls at a secure location while Ryan and I would get the car and then pick them up. After much sneaking around, we got to the car and thankfully found no tickets
on it. We drove to the secure location to make the pick-up but then we saw the lights of a car driving towards us. In the next few frantic minutes, we hastily loaded the golf balls into the
van but then ... THUDD.... golf balls all over the street. We decided to abort the rest of the mission and cut our losses and we drove back to Ryan's place. There we made a secret blood pact that we could never tell anyone what happened on that night....oops.
THE VERDICT: NO COMMENT
Beef Story #13:
Author: James Hsia
I went over to my cousins' house a little while ago around dinnertime, but I
had already eaten. Anyway, they are going out to eat at this restaurant I had
just gone to 6 days ago, so I'm thinking, "I'll just stay here and play N64
or something". But no, they insist, so I go. It turns out that they're
meeting some relatives from the side I'm not on (their mother's side) whom
I've never seen before in my life. So all during dinner, I don't eat much
because I already ate, and I don't know most of the people, so I just sit
there quietly watching them talk and eat for an hour.
THE VERDICT: EHHH, ALRIGHT WE'LL ACCEPT YOUR STORY THIS TIME BUT NEXT TIME IT HAS TO BE EVEN BEEFIER
Beef Story #12:
Author: Eric
So I'm going to the national JACL convention...my aunt tells me I get to be the youth representative for the Mountain Plains district. Sounds good to me...right? So then, AFTER I'm already on the plane and can't escape, the same aunt informs me that actually when she told me that she ruined the lifelong dream of some girl in Colorado who wanted to be the rep. THEN she tells me that, not only did I forcibly (and unknowingly) take her spot, this girl will actually BE AT the convention. So I arrive and finally meet this girl, whose first words to me are "Hi. You took my spot. Thaaaaanks."
So then it is decided that we are going to be CO-YOUTH REPS together. This means I'm sitting next to this girl the whole time!!! And not only were we co-reps at the convention, we're now co-reps for the next 2 years! I guess we're pretty cool with each other now...but sheesh...couldn't someone have told me or something?
THE VERDICT: SO, IS THE GIRL PRETTY CUTE OR WHAT?
Beef Story #11:
Author: Reuben
Sean and I had just finished working out at the Q and decided to sit in the sauna for a while
when this guy starts telling us about Bible stuff. Ok, I thought, cool, he must be a Christian. Then he started saying weird stuff like Jesus isn't God so we started to tell him he was a bunch of crock when he had to leave. It was at that point where Sean and I simultaneously exclaimed: "WHAT???"
THE VERDICT: PRETTY BLASPHEMOUS
Beef Story #10:
Author: Sean Kim
ok so i go into smoothie king with reub, and this weird european guy is talking to the big, buff smoothie king employee, showing him pictures of Jesus and funky angels. so i look on this name tag and he's from the Unification church! you know, the cult where that crazy gook thinks he's God. crazy gooks! pretty beefy with gooks now. he probably stole reub's spoiler. mmmmm.... might have to boycott kimchi....
THE VERDICT: PRETTY RACIST, SEAN
Beef Story #9:
Author: Sean Kim
ok. i'm standing in sammy's waiting for reub to come. then i see this weird
guy whom i kinda knew last year. so i acknowledge his
presence by raising my head, which is apparently a really cool way to say hi
these days. i do it about 4 times and he completely ignores me all four
times.
THE VERDICT: MMMMMM...PRETTY BEEFY!!!
Beef Story #8:
Author: Sean Kim
ok so i go on this ski trip and sit next to this girl. after not talking much to her AT ALL afterwards, i find out three months later that we've been going out for three months! good thing i had this thing for another girl, cause that's why she wanted to break up with me. pretty funny since i didn't think you could break up with someone you never went out with. pretty beefy...... niu rou.
THE VERDICT: WOW, I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT MUCH BEEF IN ONE PLACE IN MY LIFE SINCE THE GREAT BEEF EXPLOSION OF '99.
Beef Story #7:
Author: Sean Kim
ok so i go into the brown elevator. i need to get to the fourth floor but i got a ball of gas waiting to eurupt in my pants. so i know i can hold it, but then this dude says "hold the elevator!" so now i need to wait for the door to close again. mmmm... i showed him. left a fart nice and silent but deadly in smell. upon reaching the fourth floor it hadn't smelled yet, but i know he felt the effects of my wrath. i still got beef with him, and he sure does have beef with me..... pretty..... STINKY!
THE VERDICT: HMMM, COULD THIS BEEF STORY BE RELATED TO BEEF STORY #3?
Beef Story #6:
Author: Reuben
One day while working at Smoothie King(tm), I was blasting FinKL music and making
a smoothie for a customer so my back was turned...then all of a sudden the music volume
goes down and I turn around and see one of the Q managers sneaking away from
the CD player. Then I was like, "YOU'D BETTER RUN, PUNK!"
THE VERDICT: YO DAWG, THAT'S BEEFY
Beef Story #5:
Author: Eric Lindsay
I was enjoying the solitude of one of the Mudd computer labs...listening
to and watching videos of car races. I normally can't do that in the labs
cuz there are too many innocent bystanders who don't want to listen
along. So, there I go, I've got "The Touch" playing and a big Supra
burnout on the screen, and in walks this Asian girl. She gives me a dirty
look and sits down. So I have to shut it all down and pretend to be
updating my web page quietly. Unfortunately, this girl called in her
teacher or something and she also came in the lab and started playing
around...the two of them were having a grand ole time laughing at my
inability to watch mpegs. They finally left like 45 minutes later, so here
I am...oh well
THE VERDICT: WHOA MAMA THAT'S BEEFY
Beef Story #4:
Author: Hakeem Olajuwon
For the last time, leave my family alone.
THE VERDICT: BEEFY
Beef Story #3:
Author: Anonymous
MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY
One time I was in the elevator when this guy came
in and farted. I knew I didn't fart, but he must
have not known he farted because he
gave me this weird look like I was the one who farted or something...
THE VERDICT: PRETTY BEEFY
The following lucky people have been selected to be on Beef Council. Their job is to determine the beefiness of the following stories. Without their consent, I will post their fake verdicts after each story.
